I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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