I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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