I skipped work to stalk him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
