Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
