she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
