Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
