i think my mom watched the whole time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
