Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
