I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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