I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize