Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
