all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
