I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
