These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
