jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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