I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This baby is an asshole
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize