Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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