I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
did i just pee glitter
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
