Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm like, not good at living.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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