Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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