my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
