Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
