Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
