There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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