Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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