Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
