Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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