ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
