The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
