ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
