I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
