I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
