My sheets look like a crime scene.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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