you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
