Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
