you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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