Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
