Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
