Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
