9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
