You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize