you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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