It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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