you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
