So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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