i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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