I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
