I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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