Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I touched a dick in church today
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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