It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
