So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
