I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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