i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
