I'm sorry my penis didn't work
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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