I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
