not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
