Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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