I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
