I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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