he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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