Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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