Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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