I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
