I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize