Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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