It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
