Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
