I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
