Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
