Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
