i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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