just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
