I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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