In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize