I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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