dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
