she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
