PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
