so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are the jesus of drinking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
