tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
