your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
