i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
