I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
the raccoons are back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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